Education -
Real life - Learning to Mother with Soul
Six
years ago, before I became a mother, I thought I had a pretty good
understanding of being a parent! I thought that 'parent' was a unisex term
for a unisex job and only now do I realise how little I really understood
about mothering. Mothering as opposed to fathering that is - very
different in many ways, and both equally vital at different ages and
stages of our children's lives.
In
the early days of my life as a mother, I struggled with my lifestyle
choices. As many of you are no doubt aware there are lots of not so
positive messages around regarding the important work of caring for
children and home. I doubted my own value to both my immediate family and
to the wider community, and at the same time felt disappointed in others
for not choosing the same path as mine.
As
time has passed though, I have felt more and more convinced of the value
and validity of my work as a mother and homemaker. Finding some great role
models along the way, having a partner who supports my choices, attending
seminars, reading books on the topic and probably most of all feeling the
joy that my children bring, have helped me on my way.
Last
year I came across,(with help from Lynette in the library), Joan Salter's
most recent book "Mothering with Soul". Wow! Someone who
described all the things that I (and most mothers!) do, in such a soulful
way. Festival preparation, maintaining rhythm in the household week to
week, season to season, nourishing the physical and soul forces of my
family. I found this revolutionary reading - I could feel my self doubts
dissolving as I read this book. The activities and responsibilities that
Joan Salter writes about are those that I (and most other mothers) do take
on, but I had been unaware or unable to describe my activities in such a
reverent way.
Another
book to recommend is "The Spiritual Tasks of the Homemaker".
Quite esoteric I found at first, but great food for thought and reading it
has alerted me to the spiritual side of my work as a maker of a home.
Recently
I attended an evening talk at the school "Parenting as a Sacred
Art" given by Horst Kornberger. I went along thinking I would get
something for the Weavings as our main topic was Parenting. What a timely
reminder of the importance of reverence, wonder and gratitude! I realised
I had become very task oriented, not getting enough sleep and wanting to
get all the jobs done first. Keen to get the children into bed so that I
could 'get things done'! Not much reverence in the homemaking and wonder
and gratitude were a rarity.
The
evening began with a marionette puppet play of Mother Holle, a Grimm's
fairytale, performed by the kindergarten teachers from Perth Waldorf
School. What a treat! They performed the play with such wonder and
reverence, it was inspiring.
Horst
then discussed the relevance of the story of Mother Holle to parenting,
the powerful pictures it provides for us as we strive to be worthy of
imitation. Children perceive our soul - therefore it is what we do and how
we go about our work, rather than what we say, that is most important.
What
should our small children at home be 'doing'? Not activities that are 'set
up', watching TV or going out on excursions all day every day, but moving with us as we go about our daily meaningful work as
homemakers. Cooking, washing, window cleaning, folding the washing,
dusting, making gifts, mending - the possibilities are endless. There is
usually a way that our children can participate in our activities. As long
as we are in the right space, that we bring wonder, reverence, warmth and
gratitude to our work. This is what the child perceives, and this is what
nourishes a child's soul forces. Striving to bring these qualities to our
children, whether we are full time at home or not, is what constitutes a
'good' mother to me.
So
now I think I understand a bit more about what it means to be a mother,
and because I truly and firmly believe in what I am doing it doesn't
matter so much what anyone else believes about what I am doing!! How
grateful I am to be on this journey of transformation!
by:
Kate
Tenni,
Mother of Ella K6 and Lauren 22months
This article was written for ” Waldorf
Weavings”, the seasonal newsletter of the West Coast Steiner school.
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