Yes my daughter.

Look, I was wondering if I could exchange this baby. This isn't the one I ordered.

Oh? But that's the model 265, bright , independent and content, just like you asked for.

But she cries all the time.

Oh yes that model is very effective at communicating her needs. Just meet them as best you can.

But I might spoil her.

Oh, haven't you heard, I make babies spoil-proof now.

But she wants to be picked up all the time.

Thats why I gave you arms.

And she wants to feed all day and all night.

Wouldn't you if you had the chance to drink something warm and sweet, that wasn't fattening, and was packaged in a cuddle?

Yes, but I'm not getting any sleep.

Look, you two are a package deal. You're not supposed to be separated, just bring her into your bed with you and go back to sleep.

But she wants to feed even when she's not hungry.

Sounds like she might need comforting.

But she's got a dummy, a lambskin, a bunny rug and a bear.

Hey, Maybe she just wants her Mum.

But I never get a break. She won't let anyone else take her and she cries when I leave her.

You know thats because she loves you more than anyone else in the whole wide world. Is that so bad?

No, But I,m not getting any jobs done.

What??? You are doing the most important and necessary job of all - Mothering.

Well, how was I supposed to know that? - she didn't come with any instructions.

Yes she did, I'd already given them to you in a booklet called - "Instincts".

Oh yes I'd forgotten about that.

Look, just relax, give everything time and if things still don't work out let me know and we'll see if we can give you a refund.

Okay, but you know something, maybe this ones not so bad after all.

I know.

God?

Yes?

Thanks.