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A good deal is talked about 'being good corporate citizens', but John and Dawn Dunn are actually doing something about helping youths with difficulties. Ed

Here at our business we have made a commitment to today's youth by running courses in general, panel beating skills and work ethic enhancement.  During the five years that these courses have been run, we have come to realise that most of the so-called troublemakers, truants, graffiti artists, car thieves have been created rather than born as such.

We have noticed that even the worst offenders (against community standards) were well behaved when placed in a suitable learning environment. They did not mess up their own "turf" and even protected it to the extent of policing those areas.

The feature of the courses was the level of discipline given the teenagers who attended. Most of the teenagers had not previously encountered a strong discipline system and their reactions were varied because of this.

For example, a young girl we shall call Mary, at first replied to every figure of authority with the phrase "get F@#%!d" and expected that no consequences would follow. This pattern, it was discovered, began in Mary's home. Mary's mother felt helpless and unable to control her child.  Since no consequences followed Mary's misbehaviour, the problem escalated until it seemed that nothing could be done to solve it. Mary was only 13 at this time.

If Mary's mother or father had given Mary consequences for her actions from an earlier age, then by the time she turned 13, Mary may have behaved differently.

So what does this mean?  Parents need to set - and stick to - family guidelines.  For example:

1. A set of goals.

2. A set of rules.

3. Punishments for breaking the rules.

4. Parents must always back each other up e.g. if one parent says no, then both must say no, if that response is in the best interests of the child.

I do not have a degree in child psychology or any other official piece of paper, but I do know how to bring up children. If we went back to the basics rather than rely on highly paid child psychologists or the expensive books they write, our next generation would be vastly improved.

They would not only be smarter, they would be more tolerant of others and have a sense of pride in their achievements.  They would be more confident about making choices in their lives.

Unfortunately, the parents of most of the children and teenagers I have been involved with have not found the time to spend with their children. Rather than spending time, they have spent money - give the child $20 and then allow them to disappear out of sight and out of mind.

I am certainly not saying we should molly-coddle our children or students. What we teach is for them and them alone to make choices as to the direction in life they wish to take.

However, as parents we can make this easier by:

Giving our children more chances to get dirty!

Encourage them to climb trees, or swim in a pool or dam.  Most important of all, however, is for you to be there with them.  Don't always just get in your car and drop them off!  

Giving older children and teenagers more chances to get involved in a greater variety of projects.  

Children will gain a great sense of pride and achievement from helping in the garden, creating craft items or helping fix or make things. It is important to make the tasks simple and achievable. If the task is finished to your standard, then a reward can be given - if not up to standard, the "no" reward.  Remember to encourage your children to always try their best.  

Communicating with our children.

If a situation has developed into a fight between you (the parents) and them (the children), I suggest you all sit down and discuss the problem. You should make your own set of rules which everyone can abide by.  It is also very important that consequences are established for breaking the rules and then followed through with appropriate action/reaction.

I feel that we should consider 'giving' our children presents rather than 'buying' them presents.  If we teach our children how to catch a fish or how to make a table, they will gain more than if we buy them another Playstation or DVD player.

Or give your child a gift that you have actually made yourself - you will be very surprised by the response! 

How can we best help our children?

We must give them Tasks or Goals no matter how simple, so as they achieve each one, they then can cope with bigger and  bigger Tasks. Until they finally set their own.

Ensure they are encouraged when they try something on their own, even if they fail, they at least gave it a go!  So show them where they went wrong and advise (not tell) them how to fix it.

Please sit back, close your eyes and remember when you were young, remember all the good things you did and for heavens sake try your hardest to allow your children to experience the same.  Except this time make sure it's with "YOU".

So good luck and all the best in the new millennium.

By John Dunn

Mundaring Magazine, Vol 1 Number1  January 2001

A great new magazine which focuses on "Local Interests for Local People".